Quite simply, it’s shit. Yes, I am talking about both the illness and the fact that having crohns is a pain in the… neck!
If you do not know already from following my hospital and toast updates via social media, since the end of July I have been rather poorly. To date, there have been 9 admissions to hospital, approx 70 days in a hospital bed, countless blood tests, bruises, doctors, consultants, nurses and specialists who have all given me mixed messages, but finally I have an actual diagnosis as to why I have been so ill.
For those that don’t know what chrons disease is, it is an illness which affects your entire digestive tract, from your mouth to your bum, and everything inbetween. Your bodies signals as to what is normal get confused and it sees most things as a threat so reacts with inflammation, bleeding, ulcers, pain and frequent trips to the bathroom as your body hates you for attempting to eat and drink. But because your body has gone into inflammation overdrive, it kicks off all sorts of other things and other inflammitary conditions such as arthritis.
I have not been able to start an actual course of treatment yet, that is scheduled for just after the new year. Until then I am in a pain management cycle of trying to lead a normal life, to work, to be a mum, a good friend, keep a house, and also fighting with my body. The ongoing digestive issues I am getting used to somewhat, the pain I live with anyway as I have Fibromyalgia, it’s just in places which were not hurting before. The fatigue, which is a killer every day. Then battling with the things people don’t actually see or notice. The mouth ulcers which make it difficult to eat, drink and talk. The hair loss as even your hair folicles are inflamed and push your hair out in clumps. The need to Google earth every new place I go to look at parking, accessibility and toilets.
Over the last four months my life has been put on hold. My friends tell me to take it easy, to listen to my body and what the doctors say, to take all the medication and wait till I get some real help and answers in the new year. I am not like that and I feel so guilty. My brain feels fine most of the time, but get me to concentrate on something for more than 30 minutes and I want to fall asleep. I go into shut down mode and need to rest and hibernate. I have missed out on so many blogging event opportunities, from Blog On Xmas, to Blog Camp On Board, Britmums at YouTube, meeting Louise Pentland to talk about motherhood and cats, to meeting Gi Fletcher and talking motherhood and mental health. Plus countless PR trips to places full of fantastic food and drinks, I have had to take a rain check as even though I would have loved to go, I would have regretted it later.
Not only that but my house is overflowing with Xmas gift guide products which I have been gifted to include on my blog. Last year I started with my gift guide and I ended up having my appendix out at this time of year, that was actually the start of all this and I just ignored the warnings. The gift guide products are mounting up and I will be doing what I can with them on here, social media and YouTube, but they may get reviewed in detail a little later on, or rolled over to mothers day, fathers day, birthday present gift guide ideas. I can only give my heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who have sent toys, gadgets, gifts and food. You will be pleased to know that there are a large bundle of toys going to our local drop off centre for the Rock FMs Mission Christmas appeal, giving toys to disadvantaged children in the local area. We will be working closely with our chosen charities and will let you see how the gift giving happens!
I will be doing a full vlog update on my condition and will answer any questions people have about how I am managing day to day, what things make me worse or better and more. If you have a question, please leave it below or on social media with #askthemotherhood so I can find it, and don’t forget to tag me too.
Thank you for listening to my tale of woe, I am trying to get back to normal and do all the things that I want to do, I am just finding it’s taking a little longer than expected. However much I want to dive in and do all the things! I have to be realistic as trying to do too much sets me back very often and I end up back in a hospital bed, eating toast, and I would rather stay out of there for now, please! On a side note, any PRs reading that have a budget for an all inclusive spa holiday, I’m all up for that sort of work! *wink*
Love, hugs and padded loo roll,