We muddle through our early years of life with our parents declaring any sing of affection towards the opposite sex a sign that you will be married to that person some day. Then we go through the years of the opposite sex being gross and disgusting, followed by a complete infatuation with finding someone to date – which is normally about the same time as our parents want to strap a chastity belt on us and send us away to live in Tibet.
I never had a boyfriend, a real boyfriend, until I met my first real crush on the internet. I have already written about my first time, which was with him and horrendously awful, but since then I have grown up plenty and learnt so much about dating and relationships. Earlier on in my life there was this need, like a rule that I must not break, that I should have a boyfriend and someone to support me. Because of this I jumped from one long term relationship to the next very quickly, making the same mistakes again and again, thinking that it was me who caused the problems.
I will admit, I was young and nieve and did have a part to play in everything, but over the years and through the hardships I have grown to be a better person. The lessons I have learnt, I will not lie, they have broken my heart and I have wondered if it will ever mend. The metaphorical plasters holding things together and hoping that in time the cracks will hold.
It was recently that I really have come to realise that maybe we look for too much when we start a new relationship. We go in hoping that ‘This will be the ONE’ and it becomes evident in time that we see things differently with the rose tinted glasses of dating lust. We all do it, we all try and show our best side, to make us more attractive, to hide the imperfections. But after time the pretences can slip and reality kicks in, we see faults, we pick faults, we become unhappy with what we have because the smoke and mirrors have faded.
So, what can we do? Be lonely? Become a hermit? Hope that we will meet the man of our dreams in Sainsbury’s because we are reaching for the same bag of Doritos? The answer is actually very simple, and if you are in relationship now that may be faultering, take this advice from me.
What is the one quality which everyone desires to see in a person? Someone who is happy. Someone who loves life and appreciates what they have.
Learn to be you. Learn to love yourself. Be yourself and be proud of who you are and what you have in life. Have gratitude for the things that you do have. You may have dreams and ambitions that you feel you must accomplish in life to be happy, but what is wrong with being happy in the now. Now matters, now is what people see of you. Your past is behind you and it cannot be changed, but you can change your emotions about how you feel about yourself and your life.
Smile. Say hello to strangers. Sing. Dance. Cook. Enjoy the things that you did as a teen and start looking at life from a happy and thankful side. In time you will find that your mindset will shift to the positive and this will create better relationships and a healthier, happier life.
Love, hugs and happy thoughts