Dear Future Husband, whoever you may be,
You know that part in the vows, in sickness and in health, well, I need to talk to you about that bit.
I have what is called an invisible illness. On the outside I look fine. I go about my daily activities like most people do, only over the years I have perfected the art of acting. I have learnt from the days of finishing my drama A level and ending up with a C grade, and I would think that I would be deserving of a B grade at least now, as it’s not very often that people see me faulter.
I have perfected the art of “I know I don’t look ill” along with “it’s not that bad, honest” and the most used one of all, “I’m fine”. It’s taken years of practice, and it isn’t because there is nothing wrong with me, it’s because I am embarrassed to try and explain to people that my body is failing me and that simple things can take hours of preparation, both mentally and physically, let alone the recovery time after.
I play down my illness to most. No one really sees the struggle that I go through, but you will hopefully get a better idea and be there to support me. I understand that it’s difficult being with someone with an illness that it’s symptoms cannot be seen, tested or cured. That the range of symptoms can vary from person to person and a medical advancement that worked wonders for someone may actually make me worse. I however will try anything to try and feel more normal and live a life as close to normal that is possible for me.
There may be days ahead where I have bounds of energy, that nothing can stop me, and then there will be the days where I just sleep. The days where I cannot remember my words, or even like recently where I could not remember what colour car I have. This is called brain fog. It comes after periods where I have been super busy and not paced myself correctly. For the last week I have not been able to say the word “whisper”, I have no idea why, it just happens. These days, the days where I am foggy, when my body tells me to rest, when it may look like I am a hermit, I can assure you that I am not being lazy, I am doing the only thing that I know works to mend both my body and mind. The other thing that helps when I get like this is tea, with sugar, if I am fine and having a good day I don’t take sugar in my tea. Just a tip for seeing how good my drama and acting skills are holding up.
Thank you for being there, in sickness and in health,
Thank you for reading my post about living with chronic illness. I suffer from Fibromyalgia, PTSD, anxiety, depression, IBS, psoriasis, migraines, sciatica, as well as all other wonderful things that come and go over time. I have had three major abdominal surguries in the last 11 years which have left me with significant scaring. I have embarked on a holistic approach to my wellness and I am working to reduce my toxicity levels in my body and day to day life in order to develop a more healthy lifestyle. If you have any thoughts, comments or questions I would love to hear from you.