Its not very often your child comes home from school an announces that one of the boys on his table was hit in the face with a dildo at school.
Yes, you read that right. My 9 year old son came home from school and announced that they had been playing with dildos for most of the afternoon and it was very funny when one of the boys got a dildo to the face!
After a very long discussion about what they were playing with and NO YOU CAN NOT GOOGLE DILDO TO SHOW ME! I decided I had to explain to Nathan why he could not google it and what it really was. To add more fuel to the fire, I had to go and be brave and go into school and talk to the teacher about it, as after so many hours trying to work out what Nathan had been playing with at school, curiosity got the better of me!
The conversation went something like this…
Me – Can I have a quick word if you are not busy?
Teacher – Of course, whats on your mind?
Me – Well, Nathan has come home, and its rather funny, but he somehow has the belief that he is playing with dildos in class…
Teacher – *Blank horrified look*
Me – Now he has tried to describe it to me and we have had to have a chat about the fact that this object is not what he is calling it, but curiosity has got the better of me and I want to know what on earth he is playing with! *giggles*
Teacher – Well I can honestly tell you that they are not playing with dildos or anything of that form in class….
Me – Oh, I know that – its a ball, its yellow and has bits coming off it with numbers?
Teacher – I have no idea what that could be at all? Maybe its another childs toy? I am quite concerned now, what would you like me to do about it?
Me – NOTHING, no, nothing, it is fine. I only came in because I thought that you may know what it is and I just want to be able to show it to Nathan and say, This is NOT a dildo! Really, nothing needs to be done.
Teacher – Are you sure you do not want me to take it further? We may need to have a talk to them all about what is appropriate behavior.
Me – No, really, I think it is hilarious and I hope I have not caused any issues, I really just want to know what this yellow ball thing is.
Teacher – I do not know, I will see what I can find and let you know. Thank you for popping in.
10 minutes later the teacher approaches me in the hall clutching a yellow ball.
Teacher – Unbeknownst to the teaching staff, this here is called the dildo ball!! I have no idea where they got that from and who started it but I can tell you now I will make a point of calling it by its proper name!
Teacher 2 *currently crying with laughter* – Just cut the bloody thing up in bits and throw it away so they can’t play with it any more!
Teacher – I can’t do that! What will I say when some child in reception class comes to me asking to play with the dildo ball at break time!
Teacher 2 – Good luck with that one!
Me – THANK YOU! I am at peace with myself now and I can tell Nathan it really, really is not a dildo, but I can sort of see why its been called that!
And that is the story of how Nathan’s teacher can now not hide her smile in PE when it comes to playing with the dildo ball, and how there is a shared look between the two of them as they both know the real story.
Have your children ever been told the wrong name for something? I would love to hear about it!