2016-03-19

My first time – Doing THE SEX

As a teenager growing up, what did you think your first time was going to be like? Yes folks, I am talking about “The Sex”.

Did you imagine roses, a huge comfortable bed, romance like in the movies. You and your then boyfriend in a mad passionate embrace that felt like it would never end? I am sure that the visions you had were very far from the true image of what went on. Fumbling hands, clothes getting in the way, and a less than perfect moment that made you honestly think “Is that it? What is the fuss about!?”

As an adult, I am very happy to share my first time story. It is one of pure and utter embarrassment, and one that I still laugh about to this day. I am sexually confident in myself now as a grown up. Nothing really phases me any more, but I honestly would not like to relive this moment if someone paid me.

17 years old and I believe I have fallen madly in love with a 18 year old online. We have met once before and shared our first kiss, under christmas lights with Carol singers. It was like a movie in my head, when really it was raining, the lights were street lights and the music was from a nearby shop. We decided to meet again after Christmas and picked a location half way between both of our houses. Blackpool.

Now, I live near Blackpool and there are certain cheesy qualities about it as a parent I like. In the summer. When it is warm. Not in January, when one of the worst storms in years is battering the country. Two, actual windswept, teenage lovers out on their second date in a closed for the season, seaside town, battered by wind and rain. After walking the length of the prom, obviously hoods up, hunched over and not talking, as if we even attempted to we would not be able to hear each other over the wind, we found ourselves at the cinema.

It was warm. It was dry. We could sit and cuddle in the back row. The next showing was Goldeneye. Needless to say the cinema staff were miffed that they had to run the showing as we were the only people in the cinema, and had been all day. We got our snacks and drinks and made our way to our seats on the back row! Which actually turned out to not be the back row as the chairs had been removed ready for new plush seating to go in. We took the row in front.

The film started, I do not remember any of it. We were being teenagers and loving life. The boy I was with suggested that we make use of the space in the back row and lie down so we can cuddle more. Being the only ones in the cinema, I though fine! The floor was sticky. It smelled funny. And I was now being pushed into the floor by a boy lying on top of me wriggling. Was he actually suggesting sex?

I paused and said if we were going to, you know, do it, we needed to be safe. Yey!!! 17 year old me being the smart one. Only he did not have any condoms on him, but there was a condom machine in the gents loo he spotted. I was told to wait there and he would be back soon.

10 minutes later, he had not reurned. The movie was making no sense and I really did not like Mr Brosnan. I was still sat on the sticky floor waiting for my “boyfriend” to return. I decided to go and find him. Walking out into the lobby I could hear banging coming from the gents toilet and two men talking. I sat outside and a few moments later a skinny kid in the cinema uniform walked out of the bathroom rubbing his hands together and smirking. One look at me and he gave me a knowing wink.

My “boyfriend” followed shortly after, still looking flustered and caked in sweat, he explained the machine ate his last ¬£1 and he was determined to get it out so had to call for assistance. I was mortified. By this time the cinema was starting to fill up for the next showing and our film had finished. It was still blowing a gale outside and we were now both broke and had a train back home to catch in an hour. The boy had an idea, wait till the lobby clears and we can secretly pop into the ladies loo and do it there. It seemed exciting. It seemed daring and spontaneous. I loved it. With butterflies in my tummy we waited for people to leave and staff to go back to their posts.

Into the ladies we snuck and choose a cubical at the far end. Kissing, fumbling, giggling, we had stripped off below the waist and folded our jeans on the back of the loo – because that is how spontaneous sex happens, right? He decided he would sit down on the loo and I would sit facing him. First time nerves and all that, it was awkward to say the least. Condom on, we both check we are sure we want to do this, there were plenty of “Are you sure?” questions from both of us. ¬†With plenty of awkwardness, and trying to get things in the right place, just at the moment that we had got it right the door to the ladies opens and a woman comes running in.

Obviously not wanting to look suspect, I am told to lift my feet off the floor so no one can see under the door. The woman chooses to use the cubical next to us. Out of 20. The one right next to where we are. Face to face with this boy, with a now shrinking problem going on down there, I am perched on his lap unable to move. The laughter is building in both of us.

We cannot move, the moment that we had has now gone and I am just sat half naked on my “boyfriend” (I liked calling him my boyfriend) while the woman in the cubical next door has explosive bowel movements, with groans and moans to add to the experience too. It was not a quick toilet trip. A good 10 minutes. She apologised to me through the cubical wall about the smell. I had to say it was ok and made up a story about being on my period. She stroked the wall in sympathy for me before leaving.

By the time the toilet had been vacated, we were glad to move. Both of us with numb legs, sore backs and laughter that we could no longer hold in, burst out of us as we realised that although we had technically not done it, we were no longer virgins any more. We also realised we needed to get back for our train to Preston pretty quick so could not attempt a round 2.

And that is my story of my first time. Horrific I am sure you will agree. The reason I am sharing this frightful story is that I feel as a parent it is important to be open and honest with children about sex so it does not lead to activities in cinemas like I did as a teenager. Lucky, I was smart in the way of thinking about using condoms, but not so smart about doing it in a cinema in Blackpool! It could have been so much more!

Would you be brave enough go share your first time story?

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