2016-03-19

Confessions of a Single Parent

As a parent, we go through all sorts of ups and downs. Being a single parent, especially when there are young children around is a whole different world. I bet that with the list below you will be nodding and agreeing that you have done at least some of these as a parent or mother.

  • Pee with an audience. The thought of peeing with the door closed and no one else there is actually quite magical.
  • Used your top as a tissue to wipe snotty noses.
  • Put a towel down on the bed after an accident and gone back to sleep, changing the bed can wait till morning.
  • Forgot that you stripped the bed and have not made it yet and it’s 11 pm, screw it, the sheets and duvet cover can go on in the morning.
  • Caught sick in a number of items which may include bare hands, a glass, handbag or even a toy box.
  • Gone to the bathroom and locked the door to eat something in peace.
  • Lied about what time it is to get the kids to go to bed earlier.
  • Had to pee while holding a small child on your lap who is singing “heads, shoulders, knees and toes”.
  • Had a fight about it being cold outside and them needing to take a coat.
  • Having to go back home within 10 minutes of being out because they want a coat.
  • When fast food is not a treat anymore and just par for the course.
  • Eating a packet of Oreos for dinner once the kids have gone to bed as you cannot be bothered cooking.
  • Used the line. “Because I said so…” because you don’t have any other argument to back up what you just said.
  • Cold left over fish fingers are not that bad really.
  • Realised there are no children in the house, yet you still have kids tv on, and worse, you are watching it.
  • You know all the words to The Wiggles songs and were sad when they changed around.
  • You have retrieved a toothbrush from the toilet, rinsed it under the hot tap and put it back.
  • You have sworn at your kids behind their back at least once in sheer frustration.
  • You have given another mother in public a sympathetic look when their child is having a meltdown, but secretly you are thinking “Yes, it’s not mine this time!”
  • You choose the longest line at the supermarket, just so you can get that 5 minutes extra peace before returning home.
  • You have carried on driving around for another hour because your child is asleep in the back of the car and turning the engine off means they will wake up.
  • You have swatted amlessly towards the backseat of the car while driving and trying to keep an eye on the road to break up a fight going on in the back.
  • Being awake after midnight normally means that a child, or yourself is sick.
  • The first time your baby or child sleep all the way through the night and you wake up before them, you panic.
  • You have a secret stash of chocolate or snacks hidden somewhere in the house.
  • Your child has at least once asked you what your vibrator is.
  • Your children have come out the bathroom with sanitary pads stuck to their head to make a helmet.
  • The pebble that they gave you as a birthday present was very sweet, but you are not going to keep a bucket full of them because you told them it was a lovely pebble and you loved getting a gift from them.
  • You have purchased your own mothers day card and present.
  • You invite people over as you know it will make you clean up a bit, but when they come round you will apologise for the mess.
  • You have at least once hidden dirty dishes in the oven before people ha e come round.
  • You have farted and blamed the kids.
  • You have brushed your teeth in the shower to save time.
  • Shaving legs is for special occasions only. When this happens, the extra time alone in the bathroom is bliss.
  • Blow drying your hair can be worrying as you cannot hear if they are getting into trouble.
  • If the kids start crying or screaming, you wait a few seconds to see if it stops before investigating to see if they stop on their own.
  • You know if there is a bang, followed by a few seconds of silence and then a scream, that it’s a bad one, but you roll your eyes and wonder what they have done now.
  • You are still amazed that a kiss or some magic cream or a peppa pig plaster can make anything better even when they are 10. How long can you drag it on for?
  • You have thrown away the contents of a party bag before they have noticed it was missing. ¬†You really do not need more plastic tat around.

Even through all this, you still love them, even when they have managed to cover you from head to toe in various boldly fluids.

I mean, is there anyone else in your life that you would put up with all that from, and still love them to bits?

What are your parent confessions? I would love to hear them. Don’t be shy!

Originally published on A Mum Inspired

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